Husband and I had a discussion about what types of things we wanted to buy while we were honeymooning in Jamaica.  I was very adamant that the only thing that I wanted to get while we were there was a wood carving.  I have seen one that I loved and wanted to get one similar to it; two people carved together in an embrace.

So…Husband and I took a walk on the beach in search of the perfect carving.  We stopped at a place that had a crazy amount of carvings in a tiny shack but unfortunately the owner was a bit too drunk to do business with (at 10am).  Later that day, we hit the downtown craft market.  This is something I do not suggest doing unless you have a bodyguard with you!  It was insane.  Vendors meet you in the parking lot and literally drag you to their stalls…which all sell the same things.  No luck finding the carving I wanted there either.

With just a few days left of vacation, I was beginning to get a little annoyed that I couldn’t find what I wanted and that Husband didn’t care at all.  So, I struck up a conversation with our pool guy and asked where the best place to find what I wanted was.  Turns out I had talked to the right guy!  Roan, the pool guy, just happened to have a good friend that did carvings so he could set something up for me.

I described what I wanted to Roan who seemed to know exactly what I was talking about.  Although at one point he asked me if I wanted one with the penis showing…which is not what I wanted at all.  One afternoon, Roan tracked me down on the beach and had his carving buddy on the phone.  I then attempted to do some negotiations to get what I wanted.  Let it be known that I am not a negotiator at all.  The conversation went a little something like this:

Me: “Uh. I just want a couple embracing.  Like hugging.”

Carver: “Yeah, Mon, no problem. I can do that. How much you wanna spend?”

Me: “Uh, I have no idea.”

Carver: “Well, how big you want it, Mon?  I can do a 12 inch one for like $120.”

Me: “Uh.  Ok, sounds great.  Bye.”

So anyway.  That didn’t go so well…and as soon as I hung up the phone I got a little sick feeling that I was going to spend $120 on something that I didn’t really want.  And then I had to tell Husband…and he was appalled.

Fast forward two more days to the discreet meeting down the beach from our villa.

Carver: “Yeah, Mon.  I need more money…this was a lot more work than I thought.”

Me: “Uh.  I don’t have any more money.”

Carver: “Well, Mon, I need to take care of Roan for helping us out here, too.  I need more money.”

Me: “Uh.  I don’t have any more money.”

Long story short:  I handed over $135 dollars (plus tipped Roan later).  And got my carving.  Then I walked back to the villa and felt like a huge idiot (and maybe cried a little bit) because this is what I got:

And the morning that we left, Husband was nice enough to buy this for me on the beach for $15 which is a little bit closer to what I wanted in the first place.-lindsay**